Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
