Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize