worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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