theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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