If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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