why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
