He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
