I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
