i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
