hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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