you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
