I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
