Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
