Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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