You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
