OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
