ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
