She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
