He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
