im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
