it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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