Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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