It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
