When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Randomize
