Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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