My liver just broke up with me...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
