it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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