sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
