Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
