Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize