im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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