drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
