took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize