Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need to stop coming to work sober
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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