I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pants are for mortals
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
