We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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