Already got asked if we're dating
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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