my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
