There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
