I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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