When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
