Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
