sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
