fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize