im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
