Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
