you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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