Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
