Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
