My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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