they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
