Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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