Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
