While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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