how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
