I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
