I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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