I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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