First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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