epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
