k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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