If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She's the barista slut.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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