There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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