I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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