I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
