wake up i wanna do it froggy style
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
