I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
