I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
