I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize