I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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