You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is the high leading the old right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
