Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
