I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
