tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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