Swine flu. Run for my life!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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