we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
