I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
