I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
