remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize