Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
