I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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