I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
