He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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