I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
