I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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