You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
