Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
