God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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