I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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