I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize