I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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