the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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