Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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