I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
