He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize