Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is Oprah even human
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
