I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
