Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
