Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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