I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
