Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
