I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
