Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
