Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
