I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
