The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
