I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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