My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
