the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
