we have pet lesbian snakes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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