it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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