don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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