it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it's like iHOP with fire
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize