please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
