I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
