Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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