Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
