I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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