I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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