whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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