You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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