How's work?
Spinning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize