And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
